I have no idea what to do with myself. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally restless. In 2011 I graduated from college. I finished in four years, with 151 credits. You could say I didn’t exactly “live it up” during my undergraduate years. I started my full time job, where I spend three months of the year working 55+ hour weeks, 2 weeks later.
I passed my state licensing exam (which normally takes people about 18 months to two years) in 11 months, 3 of which I spent working 55+ hours.
I got married to the love of my life two months later.
Approximately 10 days after standing next to me and watching me say I do, I lost my best friend forever. She isn’t physically gone, but some incredibly outlandish events transpired- and now there is no way we could ever really go back to the way things were before.
Here I am today, at the age of 24, with no idea what I want from life. The only friends I actively have are people who I work with. And while I cherish those friendships, most of those people are a few years ahead of me, with families of their own. And there’s always that unspoken filter with friends you work with.
I see girls my age with adorable little infants. I envy them. Before my husband and I can have kids we should go to genetic counseling since I have a genetic condition. A big part of me wants to just heave faith and pray I’ll have a healthy baby. The other part of me is a rule follower to the core and knows I can’t. That added step of having to be tested is making me wait. I know raising a family is hard work, and mentally and emotionally demanding. But I’m also not sure at 24 if I’m ready to hear, there’s a 90% chance my child could inherit my condition.
The cliche advice would be to travel, see the world. Take on wonderful hobbies. Learn who you are. The problem with that advice is I am tired when I finish all my responsibilities of the day. Working, taking the dogs on walks, preparing dinner, and exercising. At the end of the day there are only about 2 hours left to take as my own.
And I’m lonely. I miss having a friend for everything. A friend who could share in my journeys in life. Someone to text or call on the spur of the minute to go to Target. Yes, I do have a husband- but sometimes you just need a girlfriend.
What about you? Are any of you in the 20something rut? Anyone else tired of these lives jam-packed with the things you should be doing? What did you do to get past it.